The week in distractions

Another of our handy guides to who's distracting whom from what, for those having trouble keeping up with the past week's news.

The longest state of the union address on record. Missing Epstein files. An innocent border patrol drone shot down like a common protester.

Once again, we’ve come through a week jam-packed with so much news — did I mention a brand new war? — that it’s hard to sort it all out. So, here again is one deranged observer’s take, packaged in a helpful Q&A format:

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Q: Are the attacks on Iran an attempt to distract attention from unreleased Epstein files related to so-far uncorroborated allegations against Donald Trump?

A: No. The attack was undertaken to bring down a despotic regime and prevent Iran from reviving its nuclear program, which was obliterated last summer.

Q: Doesn’t obliterate mean “to remove from existence : destroy utterly all trace, indication, or significance of”?

A: Not anymore.

Q: Was Iran Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei killed? Or was he obliterated?

A: Fortunately, he was killed. If he’d just been obliterated we’d have to attack him again in a few months.

Q: Has the buildup to war distracted Congress from the Epstein case and the missing files regarding serious allegations against Donald Trump?

A: Not at all.

Q: How has Congress responded?

A: They deposed Bill and Hillary Clinton.

Q: Since we’re on the topic of bold moves to safeguard our national security, did the U.S. military on Thursday use a laser to shoot down a drone that turned out to belong to U.S. Customs and Border Protection?

A: Yes.

Q: Was the drone obliterated?

A: Presumably. But what does that even mean now?

Q: What did this distract us from?

A: Customs and Border Protection’s failure to coordinate with the Federal Aviation Administration when it deployed an anti-laser drone two weeks earlier, leading the FAA to shut down air space over El Paso for several hours.

Q: How did members of Congress react to the shooting down of the CBP’s drone.

A: Their heads exploded.

Q: REALLY?

A: Unfortunately, nNo.

But two Democratic members of key House committees issued a joint statement in which they said (metaphorically, I presume), “Our heads are exploding over the news.”

Q: If their heads had really exploded, that would have been one hell of a distraction, wouldn’t it?

A: Yeah, it would have drawn even more attention from the Trump administration’s ramping up detention of immigrant families, “holding many children well beyond the 20-day limit set by longstanding court order,” according to The Associated Press, at compounds like the Dilley Immigration Processing Center at Laredo, Texas.

Q: Hmm. That sounds like child abuse, which reminds me — did the closed-door depositions of the Clintons divert attention away from news that the publicly available Epstein files lack complete information on allegations against Donald Trump?

A: No. In a way it kind of amplified the story.

Q: No wonder he started a war! What else are they distracting us from?

A: Perhaps from the Republicans’ flailing attempts to pass a bill that would, among other things, require proof of citizenship to register to vote and require states to share voter information with the Department of Homeland Security. The bill is seen by opponents as: a solution in search of a problem, since voting by non-citizens is rare; a means of making it harder for some Americans to register to vote, since some citizens lack the necessary documentation; a step toward unconstitutional federalization of elections.

Q: Will the bill pass?

A: Almost certainly not, because of complicated Senate rules.

Q: Could you explain those rules?

A: No. Nobody can.

Q: Why are Republicans still pushing the bill so hard?

A: Perhaps to divert attention from the fact that they, as members of the government branch granted constitutional power to declare war, have responded by rolling over on their backs with their paws in the air and their bellies exposed.

No, wait, that’s how my dogs show submission. Republican members of Congress — like my two U.S. Senators, Bill Cassidy and John Kennedy — have responded by issuing bold statements that forthrightly ignore their responsibilities.

“Khamenei chose war. He paid with his life,” Kennedy (R-Dodge City) said in a pithy social media post crackling with evasiveness sagacity.

Cassidy, who’s used to being passed over by Trump these days, ignored Trump’s passing over Congress.

Still, in what could almost be mistaken for a smidgen of courage, he kinda sorta hedged a little by using the word “presumably,” as in: “The President’s decision to attack Iran presumably was based upon a clear and present danger to the United States, and a planned execution that does not put the United States in a forever war.”

Like I said, a bold move from the guy who really, really thought seriously about possibly, maybe not voting to confirm Dr. Nick Riviera Bobby Kennedy Jr. as the nation’s health secretary.

Q: Did you watch the State of the Union Address, which was the longest in history?

A: No. I’d rather have the measles. And, thanks to Bobby Kennedy Jr., there’s a much better chance of that happening now!

Q: Is your faith in American democracy shaken by all of these developments?

A: It’s damn near obliterated

BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS:

I hold with those who, while we are glad to see the despotic ruler of Iran removed, believe the attack is a mistake that’s going to cost the U.S. dearly, and that a major preemptive attack such as the one launched this weekend requires congressional approval. There are a variety of other views among people who are much smarter and better educated in the history, culture and government of the region than I. So, in the interest of constructive dialogue, I’m linking to conservative columnist Bret Stephens’ case in favor of the attack here.